Two different people.
One inside of me the other is acting out.
Not aligned, the exact opposite.
Rage acting, the inside wants it to stop but has no control over.
Confusion, distraction, disconnection.
Trying the best to link the inside with the out.
Several attempts failed.
Back to sanity a bit too late.
Damage already done.
One thing I learned the hard way; humans never make excuses for ir actions.
They only care about their side of it.
I’m starting to think I’m loosing it or lost it already.
I believe I’m going insane.
or am i just thinking too much about it?
It’s true the mood around me shapes my thinking but it still doesn’t justify how extreme I go.
They say I need a change of scenery or change of routine but i believe I only need to be left alone !
Is that too much to ask?
Just let me be by myself, I do better that way.
People surrounding makes me anxious.
Yes, I have reached this level.
I know exactly what I want.
But I can’t say it. That sucks on every level possible.
I just want to blurt it out, but I can’t.
It’s not my place, it’s not my call.
wait and hope is my only console.
But waiting is killing me.
Every day feels like eternity.
Worried, terrified.
What is the end of my wait?
Is it going to be in my favor? I can’t be sure !
So, even waiting is not guaranteed to give me joy!
In a second I reached here !
Oh how fast life can turn, how slow it moves !!
Burns inside my heart.
Heavy weight on my chest.
It gets harder to breath.
Cant seem to inhale and exhale properly & when i try harder; tears starts rolling down my eyes.
I try to stop them but they keep on falling even more.
With each & every tear i force myself to stop thinking but it just gets worse.
Pillow is soaked.
Only if those tears could put out my heart burns.
